Monday, 14th December 2009, marks the second month of when you said those 2words. Since it's been 2months, so why do i feel like it's like just yesterday? the feeling of losing something of immense value, and such.
Well, back then, it was my fault that i left you at the table while going to the other table to talk to them for quite sometime, asking you to go home earlier because i wanted to go out with kai hua after you had waited for me to whole afternoon, just for my exam to end. Sorry. ( I doubt you will see this because you would never visit my blog anymore , and i'm not sure whether i'm to text you or not . Let fate decide . )
But when it comes to matters of the heart, fate cannot decide what lies behind for you. Also, when the trust between a couple is broken, it is very hard to mend it back, and there will be lots of pain because ''Love without pain is just a crush. Love is felt when a heart is crushed. ''
And it does hurt till now. I have never been so serious before in my life. My primary school friends all say that when i was in primary school, i was like going around sending ''i love you '' messages to girls. And secondary school, life started to change. However, it was ONLY after i met you, that i did change for the better. My percentage of getting into trouble was lowered, and with you, i could see forever so clearly.
Hurting.. Been hurting... Still hurting...
All i want for Christmas, is You.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
You took away the biggest part of me . . .
I have to admit that i am too used with you in my life. Everything was different back then, before things turned the way i did not want, definitely. It's like i could see forever with you, and when i held your hands, i know that it fits perfectly.
The kisses you would give me upon request, pointing to my cheek, makes it even more special and meaningful. Been through everything together as ''we'' and not ''you'' or ''i'' , and to me, i know that there would be 3years, 4years, 5, 6, 7, 8, 20, 30, 40, 50years, because i have never intended to stop loving you from the night we started out. True, times we have quarreled, but after every storm, things would be fine because we would give in to each other..
When i was sick, you accompanied me to the polyclinic after your training, i remember every single thing you have done for me, and it still hurts me whenever i think back of everything every moment. i think of you every second - it is easy. but missing you is the heartache that has been with me all these while, showing no signs of leaving me.
Looking at places where we had special memories, make me even feel more depressed, almost everywhere in ang mo kio we have had special moments, be it this corner, that angle, that turn, that escalator, this , there, everywhere. You might not know that i still love you deep down inside my heart, and that love will live on and never leave.
Nothing feels right now . . .
Fly me up, give me hope.
The kisses you would give me upon request, pointing to my cheek, makes it even more special and meaningful. Been through everything together as ''we'' and not ''you'' or ''i'' , and to me, i know that there would be 3years, 4years, 5, 6, 7, 8, 20, 30, 40, 50years, because i have never intended to stop loving you from the night we started out. True, times we have quarreled, but after every storm, things would be fine because we would give in to each other..
When i was sick, you accompanied me to the polyclinic after your training, i remember every single thing you have done for me, and it still hurts me whenever i think back of everything every moment. i think of you every second - it is easy. but missing you is the heartache that has been with me all these while, showing no signs of leaving me.
Looking at places where we had special memories, make me even feel more depressed, almost everywhere in ang mo kio we have had special moments, be it this corner, that angle, that turn, that escalator, this , there, everywhere. You might not know that i still love you deep down inside my heart, and that love will live on and never leave.
Nothing feels right now . . .
Fly me up, give me hope.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
If you could see.
If you could see, i'm the one who understands you, been here waiting all the while. Then things will be different...
Many things happened, things changed drastically, and me? Still being a dickhead.
Whatever we have been through makes it even harder for me to give up on you, yes.
The reason i went for the interview on 2oct was to hope that i would get the job, so that when i get my pay, every single cent will be spent on you. I had only that on my mind, you said when i take my pay, then i treat you eat big big good good food, can you still remember?
Job taken, lost you. Er, what was i doing when i was working in the shops? Thinking about you, what you said, and those days were really hard to get through. Always getting scolded by boss, always being distracted. When i don't think about you, it is worse, either way the feeling of losing something of immense value comes..
Just... why?
Maybe i'll understand it someday, maybe i will never, no time.
No chance was given to me right from when you said the 2words, just faint vision of possibilities... As much as i wanted to, i couldn't.. So, what i did? I wrote lengthy essays, came up with quotes, messages, and more.. I explained things you always wanted to hear, but i know that it will never be enough...
I did what i did because i was afraid of losing you. i wouldn't have bothered had i not loved you so much, and now, i still do, even more than before.
Maybe someday you'll realize that i will always be standing and waiting behind you should you fall. i'll always be the one who catches you when you fall.
Maybe.
I wish, to build it to the end with you.
Many things happened, things changed drastically, and me? Still being a dickhead.
Whatever we have been through makes it even harder for me to give up on you, yes.
The reason i went for the interview on 2oct was to hope that i would get the job, so that when i get my pay, every single cent will be spent on you. I had only that on my mind, you said when i take my pay, then i treat you eat big big good good food, can you still remember?
Job taken, lost you. Er, what was i doing when i was working in the shops? Thinking about you, what you said, and those days were really hard to get through. Always getting scolded by boss, always being distracted. When i don't think about you, it is worse, either way the feeling of losing something of immense value comes..
Just... why?
Maybe i'll understand it someday, maybe i will never, no time.
No chance was given to me right from when you said the 2words, just faint vision of possibilities... As much as i wanted to, i couldn't.. So, what i did? I wrote lengthy essays, came up with quotes, messages, and more.. I explained things you always wanted to hear, but i know that it will never be enough...
I did what i did because i was afraid of losing you. i wouldn't have bothered had i not loved you so much, and now, i still do, even more than before.
Maybe someday you'll realize that i will always be standing and waiting behind you should you fall. i'll always be the one who catches you when you fall.
Maybe.
I wish, to build it to the end with you.
Monday, December 7, 2009
'Meaningless' for Joshua
MEANINGLESS messages from Joshua to Cheryl.
When was the last time this happened?
But, this is an indication of the state Joshua is in now.
Trying to win her back virtually a lost cause, N-level results to be in a mess, op still in a mess pending; there's only some pride left to salvage if i make it all the way, despite feeling all the hurt and ruins for so long already.
If it hasn't hit yet, the true measure of Joshua's humiliation in Love will hit home when he cries and moans every night to bed.
Joshua has only a lonely christmas night to look forward to. That will not help Joshua in his confidence and in the future. Joshua does not know how he is going to approach it.
Joshua is in a position where he cannot change what has happened, and the situation he finds himself in..
Joshua says, '' Yes, i am regretting the wrong things i have done which caused things to turn out today, saying things which i should have said long ago, hoping that it is never too late.. At least i can try harder in my next lifetime if i'm still human, to give myself something to be happy about.''
Even that might not be enough now..
Why didn't you try your best when you had the chance to, Joshua?
DEAR JOSHUA,
It was yes another disappointing day for you. I don't know if there was something wrong with you, but from the very start, i could feel that you didn't even give your all, did you?
It was totally Cheryl, Cheryl, Cheryl. She put in more effort than you right from the start. And your efforts ONLY intensified when she said those two words. Isn't that too late already, Joshua?
Compare your motivation and dedication now to a few months back - you were definitely more motivated and dedicated. But even that might not be enough now.
Is it because you think that she still loves you?
This can only mean one thing : If you had not done what you did earlier, my dear Joshua, you wouldn't have kissed the one you love goodbye.
Buck up Joshua !
Let me be somewhere in your heart... ):
When was the last time this happened?
But, this is an indication of the state Joshua is in now.
Trying to win her back virtually a lost cause, N-level results to be in a mess, op still in a mess pending; there's only some pride left to salvage if i make it all the way, despite feeling all the hurt and ruins for so long already.
If it hasn't hit yet, the true measure of Joshua's humiliation in Love will hit home when he cries and moans every night to bed.
Joshua has only a lonely christmas night to look forward to. That will not help Joshua in his confidence and in the future. Joshua does not know how he is going to approach it.
Joshua is in a position where he cannot change what has happened, and the situation he finds himself in..
Joshua says, '' Yes, i am regretting the wrong things i have done which caused things to turn out today, saying things which i should have said long ago, hoping that it is never too late.. At least i can try harder in my next lifetime if i'm still human, to give myself something to be happy about.''
Even that might not be enough now..
Why didn't you try your best when you had the chance to, Joshua?
DEAR JOSHUA,
It was yes another disappointing day for you. I don't know if there was something wrong with you, but from the very start, i could feel that you didn't even give your all, did you?
It was totally Cheryl, Cheryl, Cheryl. She put in more effort than you right from the start. And your efforts ONLY intensified when she said those two words. Isn't that too late already, Joshua?
Compare your motivation and dedication now to a few months back - you were definitely more motivated and dedicated. But even that might not be enough now.
Is it because you think that she still loves you?
This can only mean one thing : If you had not done what you did earlier, my dear Joshua, you wouldn't have kissed the one you love goodbye.
Buck up Joshua !
Let me be somewhere in your heart... ):
Joshua, ask yourself, who ?
Dear Joshua,
who was the one who picked you up when you were sad?
who was the one who loves you so much?
who was the one who bought you food when you forgot to bring money or when you had no money?
who was the one who sends you home everyday?
who was the one who took care of you when you were sick?
who was the one who was tired after trainings but still came to find you?
who was the one who put towels on you when you had a high fever, and who was the one who never slept a wink while you were sick resting?
who was the one who bought you presents?
who hugs you?
who kisses you?
who massages you?
who was with you, rich or poor?
who went around finding dictionaries for your n-level exam?
who woke up at 6am just to go to school with you for exam?
who? who? who?
tell me who Joshua.
you had the ''audacity'' to compare her with someone else?
Fuck You i say.
You have the cheek to say, what were you thinking about?
Fuck You understand?
You might as well be off dead.
You realize your moment of folly now?
I say, fuck you understand?
No?
Fuck you again, understand?
Yes , fuck myself . please . thanks .
who was the one who picked you up when you were sad?
who was the one who loves you so much?
who was the one who bought you food when you forgot to bring money or when you had no money?
who was the one who sends you home everyday?
who was the one who took care of you when you were sick?
who was the one who was tired after trainings but still came to find you?
who was the one who put towels on you when you had a high fever, and who was the one who never slept a wink while you were sick resting?
who was the one who bought you presents?
who hugs you?
who kisses you?
who massages you?
who was with you, rich or poor?
who went around finding dictionaries for your n-level exam?
who woke up at 6am just to go to school with you for exam?
who? who? who?
tell me who Joshua.
you had the ''audacity'' to compare her with someone else?
Fuck You i say.
You have the cheek to say, what were you thinking about?
Fuck You understand?
You might as well be off dead.
You realize your moment of folly now?
I say, fuck you understand?
No?
Fuck you again, understand?
Yes , fuck myself . please . thanks .
Friday, December 4, 2009
P-R-E-S-S-U-R-E
Apparently, i have lived my whole life without receiving one very important piece of advice: '' Never let them see that you're hurting . ''
I have let my usually immaculate standards slip in the last few months, opening myself up to a widespread criticism of my conduct.
No one would have guessed that i was feeling the pressure, the sadness inside me, especially not in a girl like Cheryl, but now i have made it obvious to everyone.
My refusal to give up after my hopes and dreams were crushed all by one go was a serious error of judgement.
After that night, i told friends that i will never give up on her, despite feeling the pain, the agony left inside me.
If it was irrelevant to me, why did i get so upset? After all, i could have taken the higher ground, in the first place not neglecting Cheryl ( which caused things to turn out this way ) and would have been praised for my endeavour and then go to work that time without anyone giving it a second thought.
But now there is blood in the water. Now everyone knows that i am hurting.
My comments were foolish, a rare petulant slip from a boy who usually knows better than to feed an easy line.
If you've just been spanked at home by a girl, the last thing you would ever want to do is get jealous and upset over things, that's just asking for trouble. I have been in a relationship for long enough, and seems to know how this thing goes..
I seem to have a complex about everything. It's because they represent the greatest threat to my sophisticated utopia.
Either way, i should have worked harder to keep my feelings under wraps, instead of showing signs that i was heartbroken.
I may claim that i had every right to be upset and still live in the pain, that i never agreed to a break-up.
It shouldn't have mattered, right? I should have been a bigger man. But how to, with all the love left inside of me?
It has been long and obvious that i am exasperated with the increased pressure that is mounting over me all the time, many things.
I get short-tempered with anyone who speaks something bad about me now, i get angry with the short-termism of people's remarks about Cheryl.
Joshua wants to love Cheryl Ng forever.
Joshua wants a beautiful story of love with Cheryl Ng only, he wants the not-so wonderful world to know that, if he's given the time and the chance, he will take it and sooner or later it will all come together.
Until wednesday night, everyone assumed that i was dealing with the pressure. Now, everyone has a reason to doubt.
Joshua is hurting and everyone can see it.
I have let my usually immaculate standards slip in the last few months, opening myself up to a widespread criticism of my conduct.
No one would have guessed that i was feeling the pressure, the sadness inside me, especially not in a girl like Cheryl, but now i have made it obvious to everyone.
My refusal to give up after my hopes and dreams were crushed all by one go was a serious error of judgement.
After that night, i told friends that i will never give up on her, despite feeling the pain, the agony left inside me.
If it was irrelevant to me, why did i get so upset? After all, i could have taken the higher ground, in the first place not neglecting Cheryl ( which caused things to turn out this way ) and would have been praised for my endeavour and then go to work that time without anyone giving it a second thought.
But now there is blood in the water. Now everyone knows that i am hurting.
My comments were foolish, a rare petulant slip from a boy who usually knows better than to feed an easy line.
If you've just been spanked at home by a girl, the last thing you would ever want to do is get jealous and upset over things, that's just asking for trouble. I have been in a relationship for long enough, and seems to know how this thing goes..
I seem to have a complex about everything. It's because they represent the greatest threat to my sophisticated utopia.
Either way, i should have worked harder to keep my feelings under wraps, instead of showing signs that i was heartbroken.
I may claim that i had every right to be upset and still live in the pain, that i never agreed to a break-up.
It shouldn't have mattered, right? I should have been a bigger man. But how to, with all the love left inside of me?
It has been long and obvious that i am exasperated with the increased pressure that is mounting over me all the time, many things.
I get short-tempered with anyone who speaks something bad about me now, i get angry with the short-termism of people's remarks about Cheryl.
Joshua wants to love Cheryl Ng forever.
Joshua wants a beautiful story of love with Cheryl Ng only, he wants the not-so wonderful world to know that, if he's given the time and the chance, he will take it and sooner or later it will all come together.
Until wednesday night, everyone assumed that i was dealing with the pressure. Now, everyone has a reason to doubt.
Joshua is hurting and everyone can see it.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
The special date and hours which means everything to me...
The words '' i love you '' are not for anyone to say from their mouth to their beloved ones... It's a feeling where you can whisper to each other without saying aloud from heart-to-heart...
Do you hear my whispers? I have never stopped loving you..
When you feel alone, just look at the spaces between your fingers, remember that in those spaces you will see my fingers locked with yours forever..
When you feel alone, just look over your shoulders... I'll always be there, to catch you when you fall...
You will never be alone in the nights, cause i will be there for you.
Love without pain is just a crush. Love is felt when a heart is crushed.
Loving without pain is never true-love, it is just a crush..
Love is felt when a heart is crushed because of all the love left inside...
Do you know how much love you left inside of me ?
It takes a second to say i love you but a lifetime to show it.
I am willing to. Will you ever let me to?
Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build till the end...
Will you build with me till the end....?
Love is letting go of the one you love, hoping that they will come back to you when they realize what they have lost..
Perhaps you let me go because you loved me, but i've come back to you, because i realized what i have lost....
ahn yew em Cheryl Ng Li Jia..
but do you know how much?
A heart that is left heartbroken is the heart that has felt love... ^^ So i rather remain heartbroken..
Loving you always, like i have always did...
With all my love to Cheryl Ng Li Jia (:
Love Me.
Joshua Yeap.
Do you hear my whispers? I have never stopped loving you..
When you feel alone, just look at the spaces between your fingers, remember that in those spaces you will see my fingers locked with yours forever..
When you feel alone, just look over your shoulders... I'll always be there, to catch you when you fall...
You will never be alone in the nights, cause i will be there for you.
Love without pain is just a crush. Love is felt when a heart is crushed.
Loving without pain is never true-love, it is just a crush..
Love is felt when a heart is crushed because of all the love left inside...
Do you know how much love you left inside of me ?
It takes a second to say i love you but a lifetime to show it.
I am willing to. Will you ever let me to?
Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build till the end...
Will you build with me till the end....?
Love is letting go of the one you love, hoping that they will come back to you when they realize what they have lost..
Perhaps you let me go because you loved me, but i've come back to you, because i realized what i have lost....
ahn yew em Cheryl Ng Li Jia..
but do you know how much?
A heart that is left heartbroken is the heart that has felt love... ^^ So i rather remain heartbroken..
Loving you always, like i have always did...
With all my love to Cheryl Ng Li Jia (:
Love Me.
Joshua Yeap.
Monday, November 30, 2009
It's the 2nd on wednesday....
Time flies, and Wednesday marks the 26th month from when we first started out, the 791st day from 2nd October 2007, the 1,064th day since i first saw you, and liked you right from the start...
''Relationships are like glasses. If they break, let them stay broken, you'll only hurt yourself trying to put them back in place. At least the pieces still remain.''
I have tried to put the broken pieces back into place, back to the original one again, but i ended up getting hurt each time.. Yes, the memories remain, but surely there is more than i can give to my childhood sweetheart. I want people to say, '' Joshua is engaged to his childhood sweetheart '' come 10years time.. So even if how i end up being hurt, i will never give up on my childhood sweetheart - ahem , you know who.
Perhaps, i will never get messages like this anymore, '' Happy 26th month anniversary Cheryl Ng's hubby ! '' and the good morning, and good night messages.. Oh, how i miss them so much..
It's been a torrid time i've been through, and now i guess i finally know how it feels to be in your shoes... I guess i know how you felt.. Yes, i am feeling everything now, everything crashed at me in that split moment, i know how it feels now.. But being hurt for you, i think it's worth it.. To do anything for you; even at the cost of my life for you is worth it...
We used to quarrel just before 2nd of the start of each month, somehow things will get better, and somehow the date 2 means alot to both of us.. But, it has been different ever since...
I asked for another chance, unaware of how you feel for me last month, and when you said no, my mind just went point-blank.. It is because i was afraid of losing you right from the start, that i kept pressuring you for an answer, which is why things turned out this way.. I mean, from the start, i didn't want to lose you at all. I was afraid, so i kept trying and trying hoping you would say yes, but in the end, i made things worse..
It take courage to tell someone you love her, and even more courage to pluck your courage to express your love for someone, just like how i first asked you on that magical night.. That very special night...
I know all i can do is just to dream. Dream what? I rather not go to sleep, all i do is think about you.. When i wake up, it's not real and i get very very disappointed and i cry to myself, many times...
We've come a long way, been through so much.. You were always there for me, everywhere i went, and suddenly, you are not within my reach anymore~
But, '' Through everywhere, no matter where you are, i will find you. I will heal all the ruins left inside you. As long as i'm breathing, i will. ''
You once said to me, '' Let us try again ? ''
I want to try again.. but i dare not ask you again, the consequences will be even bigger. you would be angry with me yet again...
''Let ask try again?'' I will say... We will shine, shine like the stars above, shining in the light, guided by our love.. Let our fire burn in us, burning like the sun, as we show our everlasting love to everyone.. Easy to say...
I know i wasn't there enough for you, the way you wanted me too.. But i'm going to change all these. I'm staying put right here no matter what you say to me, to show you ALL the promises i made.
anh yeu em Cheryl Ng Li Jia ..
anh yeu em Cheryl Ng Li Jia ..
and i still do..........
''Relationships are like glasses. If they break, let them stay broken, you'll only hurt yourself trying to put them back in place. At least the pieces still remain.''
I have tried to put the broken pieces back into place, back to the original one again, but i ended up getting hurt each time.. Yes, the memories remain, but surely there is more than i can give to my childhood sweetheart. I want people to say, '' Joshua is engaged to his childhood sweetheart '' come 10years time.. So even if how i end up being hurt, i will never give up on my childhood sweetheart - ahem , you know who.
Perhaps, i will never get messages like this anymore, '' Happy 26th month anniversary Cheryl Ng's hubby ! '' and the good morning, and good night messages.. Oh, how i miss them so much..
It's been a torrid time i've been through, and now i guess i finally know how it feels to be in your shoes... I guess i know how you felt.. Yes, i am feeling everything now, everything crashed at me in that split moment, i know how it feels now.. But being hurt for you, i think it's worth it.. To do anything for you; even at the cost of my life for you is worth it...
We used to quarrel just before 2nd of the start of each month, somehow things will get better, and somehow the date 2 means alot to both of us.. But, it has been different ever since...
I asked for another chance, unaware of how you feel for me last month, and when you said no, my mind just went point-blank.. It is because i was afraid of losing you right from the start, that i kept pressuring you for an answer, which is why things turned out this way.. I mean, from the start, i didn't want to lose you at all. I was afraid, so i kept trying and trying hoping you would say yes, but in the end, i made things worse..
It take courage to tell someone you love her, and even more courage to pluck your courage to express your love for someone, just like how i first asked you on that magical night.. That very special night...
I know all i can do is just to dream. Dream what? I rather not go to sleep, all i do is think about you.. When i wake up, it's not real and i get very very disappointed and i cry to myself, many times...
We've come a long way, been through so much.. You were always there for me, everywhere i went, and suddenly, you are not within my reach anymore~
But, '' Through everywhere, no matter where you are, i will find you. I will heal all the ruins left inside you. As long as i'm breathing, i will. ''
You once said to me, '' Let us try again ? ''
I want to try again.. but i dare not ask you again, the consequences will be even bigger. you would be angry with me yet again...
''Let ask try again?'' I will say... We will shine, shine like the stars above, shining in the light, guided by our love.. Let our fire burn in us, burning like the sun, as we show our everlasting love to everyone.. Easy to say...
I know i wasn't there enough for you, the way you wanted me too.. But i'm going to change all these. I'm staying put right here no matter what you say to me, to show you ALL the promises i made.
anh yeu em Cheryl Ng Li Jia ..
anh yeu em Cheryl Ng Li Jia ..
and i still do..........
Friday, November 27, 2009
All that matters is....
Can you see? Can you see the pain in the eyes, and know how much i tried. Loving you is painful to me, but i still love you. Look at how i would scream for you, how i would bleed for you.
I'm smiling on the outside, sure.
But i'm ripped inside.
Always wanting things that i will never get.
But, do you know how that feels?
I told myself, just give up.
But i couldn't do so.
Dont continue loving someone who does not have feelings for you at all anymore.
But how would i know?
There were no signs.
This is love.
Maybe there were...
Just faint visions of possibilities...
But never one in front of me.
Never one for me to hold.
I want you.
I want you so much.
But i'm being selfish.
You've got to go..
I really miss you...
And if you ever need me, i WILL be there.
i'm always here...
don't forget me... okay?
and maybe one day, just one day, i will get messages like ' good morning hubby ' again..
- i'm still waiting...
like i said, deep down inside my heart, it is still you. I love you for a contract period of forever with no clauses to it. Deep down inside my heart, i know it is you. My messages might be just too late now, but at least you get to see it. You know.. Then that's all that matters...
- I love you .
- and i still do....
I'm smiling on the outside, sure.
But i'm ripped inside.
Always wanting things that i will never get.
But, do you know how that feels?
I told myself, just give up.
But i couldn't do so.
Dont continue loving someone who does not have feelings for you at all anymore.
But how would i know?
There were no signs.
This is love.
Maybe there were...
Just faint visions of possibilities...
But never one in front of me.
Never one for me to hold.
I want you.
I want you so much.
But i'm being selfish.
You've got to go..
I really miss you...
And if you ever need me, i WILL be there.
i'm always here...
don't forget me... okay?
and maybe one day, just one day, i will get messages like ' good morning hubby ' again..
- i'm still waiting...
like i said, deep down inside my heart, it is still you. I love you for a contract period of forever with no clauses to it. Deep down inside my heart, i know it is you. My messages might be just too late now, but at least you get to see it. You know.. Then that's all that matters...
- I love you .
- and i still do....
Monday, November 23, 2009
if you are not gone, how am i to miss you ?
Yes, if you are not gone, how am i to miss you?
I remember the good old days of 2007, of how i courted you. It was love at first sight for me, when i saw you from day 1 of school back in 2007, and i did try to get close to you but i failed initially. seeing you makes my heart beat fast.. The best part was i liked you without knowing your name.. Then growth camp, i asked Lerkrit what's your name. He asked if i liked you. I said no.. Then i remembered seeing you smile, you were so cute.. Second night, at the parade square, i confessed to Lerkrit that i liked you, i even told if to tell you that i did.. That was the night when i kicked your tent because i thought it was my friend's. And you were in there! Fate, i would call it. You said you all were talking ghost stories.. Growth Camp 07 <3 !!
Cross Country 2007, you took part in it. I took part in it too. mc ritchie. you didnt know that i actually walked despite me taking part in it, just to have a chance to get closer to you and to catch a glimpse of you. That was how much i liked you already. Then when you were drinking milo, you didnt know that i was just behind you right? :X
Sports Fiesta 2007, i was taking part in the Soccer Finals, and i know that your eyes were on me throughout the whole match even Green House lost.. And that was when i started talking to you.. (:
You become my mei.. then, ''nu-er'' .. And that was when we started playing games on msn together, chatting and such.. And when i said 'muack' one night, i thought you would say, '' EEEEEE-YER.. '' . But you surprised me, when you said ''muack'' too. I wasnt sure if you had feelings for me, but i just cannot forget these little things.
When qimei broke up with me, and left me for another guy, you told me, ''it's her loss that she dosen't want you..'' not to worry, and that i would find someone better. I remember you said that you were jealous when you saw qimei and i together. And when we quarreled, you didnt want to help because you were jealous, but you helped eventually, reluctantly.
You sent me home one day, and i left you in the bus because it was my bus stop. You almost could not go home because your ez link card almost had no money. And i remember once i sent you home, i got lost, and had to walk home, which made you worried..
You didn't know that i watched you train at least 2times a month, just by hiding at a corner and watch you play court games, drills, for 10mins or so, and smile to myself. seeing your cute defending actions, your tackling skills. (:
And 2nd of October 2007, 2222hours, that night was meant to come, it has always been looming around us, bound to come one day, and it came.. It was a shaky start for us initially, this-and-that problems, causing our relationship to be hanging in the balance. though we quarreled many times, be it 26th 27th 28th 29th, just somehow, we would always get back together by the 2nd of the start of the new month, just to celebrate our monthsary together. There was even once when we quarreled on 1st and managed to make things up just by the end of the day.. That's why i say i love you for who you are. I always say, '' There is only one person that i can love so much - Cheryl Ng Li Jia. '' And until now, that is only i can say.
I am painfully aware of the situation now, from things i have heard, even though i did not seem them, and i will want to treasure the time i have left. I've become immune to the pain that i have felt, it's like it's always there bothering me. As long as i am around, i refuse to let myself feel the pain, and i don't want to show you the pain i am going through..
I was happy to show myself all the photos we have taken together, and one that we took forming a heart shape with our arms together, kissing.
Yes, i still do hope that one day, fate will bring us back together, and you will remember how much i love you.
I don't want any help. Everything i do, i do for Cheryl Ng. I'm satisfied as long as Cheryl Ng Li Jia is happy everyday.
I remember the good old days of 2007, of how i courted you. It was love at first sight for me, when i saw you from day 1 of school back in 2007, and i did try to get close to you but i failed initially. seeing you makes my heart beat fast.. The best part was i liked you without knowing your name.. Then growth camp, i asked Lerkrit what's your name. He asked if i liked you. I said no.. Then i remembered seeing you smile, you were so cute.. Second night, at the parade square, i confessed to Lerkrit that i liked you, i even told if to tell you that i did.. That was the night when i kicked your tent because i thought it was my friend's. And you were in there! Fate, i would call it. You said you all were talking ghost stories.. Growth Camp 07 <3 !!
Cross Country 2007, you took part in it. I took part in it too. mc ritchie. you didnt know that i actually walked despite me taking part in it, just to have a chance to get closer to you and to catch a glimpse of you. That was how much i liked you already. Then when you were drinking milo, you didnt know that i was just behind you right? :X
Sports Fiesta 2007, i was taking part in the Soccer Finals, and i know that your eyes were on me throughout the whole match even Green House lost.. And that was when i started talking to you.. (:
You become my mei.. then, ''nu-er'' .. And that was when we started playing games on msn together, chatting and such.. And when i said 'muack' one night, i thought you would say, '' EEEEEE-YER.. '' . But you surprised me, when you said ''muack'' too. I wasnt sure if you had feelings for me, but i just cannot forget these little things.
When qimei broke up with me, and left me for another guy, you told me, ''it's her loss that she dosen't want you..'' not to worry, and that i would find someone better. I remember you said that you were jealous when you saw qimei and i together. And when we quarreled, you didnt want to help because you were jealous, but you helped eventually, reluctantly.
You sent me home one day, and i left you in the bus because it was my bus stop. You almost could not go home because your ez link card almost had no money. And i remember once i sent you home, i got lost, and had to walk home, which made you worried..
You didn't know that i watched you train at least 2times a month, just by hiding at a corner and watch you play court games, drills, for 10mins or so, and smile to myself. seeing your cute defending actions, your tackling skills. (:
And 2nd of October 2007, 2222hours, that night was meant to come, it has always been looming around us, bound to come one day, and it came.. It was a shaky start for us initially, this-and-that problems, causing our relationship to be hanging in the balance. though we quarreled many times, be it 26th 27th 28th 29th, just somehow, we would always get back together by the 2nd of the start of the new month, just to celebrate our monthsary together. There was even once when we quarreled on 1st and managed to make things up just by the end of the day.. That's why i say i love you for who you are. I always say, '' There is only one person that i can love so much - Cheryl Ng Li Jia. '' And until now, that is only i can say.
I am painfully aware of the situation now, from things i have heard, even though i did not seem them, and i will want to treasure the time i have left. I've become immune to the pain that i have felt, it's like it's always there bothering me. As long as i am around, i refuse to let myself feel the pain, and i don't want to show you the pain i am going through..
I was happy to show myself all the photos we have taken together, and one that we took forming a heart shape with our arms together, kissing.
Yes, i still do hope that one day, fate will bring us back together, and you will remember how much i love you.
I don't want any help. Everything i do, i do for Cheryl Ng. I'm satisfied as long as Cheryl Ng Li Jia is happy everyday.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sometimes i wonder how...
Sometimes i wonder what you are thinking now..
Sometimes i wonder how you are feeling now..
Sometimes i wonder why it's like this now.
Sometimes i wonder .. Sometimes i wonder...
I know you as a very faithful person, that's true.
I think i have tried hard enough, many different ways, it's true. But the fairy dust still lies in you. The decision at the end of the day is still yours. And i roughly know what you have made up. Well, hard enough i tried, it's time to take a break of all these troubles. Left with all the happy memories with no regrets.
People do ask, it's 2nd of Dec soon, are you going to try? Yes, no harm trying. But from the way i look at it, things i heard, it's better that i do not.. We haven't even seen each other for a long time, and we don't text at all...
All the happy memories left inside me, my life you have brightened up for me. It's never easy to forget and i remember every single event that happened. EVERY. Going into a new relationship for me might just prove to be the masterstroke to forget everything, how easily said.
It will never be easy, be it 10years, 20years, 30years later, i will still remember: what a wonderful darling i had when i was 16. Even though my days are empty now, the nights are long, but what can i do ? Well...
This incident has left me with a permanent scar behind; a deep one, one that i will never forget.. One has to note that when you start a relationship, it will end eventually. A divorce requires 2 parties to continue the proceedings. Similarly, a relationship requires 2 people to start, and 2 people to end it. Argue that you have never agreed to a break-up, argue that you have never said you wanted to break-up, but i have learned that when one party does not want to carry on, it's all but OVER. faithful you might have been, loving you might have been, but at the end of the day, the decision still lies there, though TECHNICALLY you are still together.
It hurts to see things that you do with someone else, the things you did together. it's true. it applies for everyone.
Well, i'm just treating as i'm talking rubbish.. IF it makes sense, thank you. IF it dosen't, well, then it dosen't lor.
Sometimes i wonder how you are feeling now..
Sometimes i wonder why it's like this now.
Sometimes i wonder .. Sometimes i wonder...
I know you as a very faithful person, that's true.
I think i have tried hard enough, many different ways, it's true. But the fairy dust still lies in you. The decision at the end of the day is still yours. And i roughly know what you have made up. Well, hard enough i tried, it's time to take a break of all these troubles. Left with all the happy memories with no regrets.
People do ask, it's 2nd of Dec soon, are you going to try? Yes, no harm trying. But from the way i look at it, things i heard, it's better that i do not.. We haven't even seen each other for a long time, and we don't text at all...
All the happy memories left inside me, my life you have brightened up for me. It's never easy to forget and i remember every single event that happened. EVERY. Going into a new relationship for me might just prove to be the masterstroke to forget everything, how easily said.
It will never be easy, be it 10years, 20years, 30years later, i will still remember: what a wonderful darling i had when i was 16. Even though my days are empty now, the nights are long, but what can i do ? Well...
This incident has left me with a permanent scar behind; a deep one, one that i will never forget.. One has to note that when you start a relationship, it will end eventually. A divorce requires 2 parties to continue the proceedings. Similarly, a relationship requires 2 people to start, and 2 people to end it. Argue that you have never agreed to a break-up, argue that you have never said you wanted to break-up, but i have learned that when one party does not want to carry on, it's all but OVER. faithful you might have been, loving you might have been, but at the end of the day, the decision still lies there, though TECHNICALLY you are still together.
It hurts to see things that you do with someone else, the things you did together. it's true. it applies for everyone.
Well, i'm just treating as i'm talking rubbish.. IF it makes sense, thank you. IF it dosen't, well, then it dosen't lor.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
will you follow your heart ?
friends tell you what to do. true. you do not want to disappoint them. plus factor. Have you ever wondered if your friends would do things such as : telling you this and telling someone else another? I'm sure if you are in that situation, you don't not want it to happen to you too.
One follows his/her heart. He/She does what his/her heart tells him/her to do. Not what the friends tell you. Friends can only give you advice: '' Hmm i think you should not, i think you should. '' But at the end of the day, it's ourselves who makes the decision. Whether we pull ourselves through is still on our own.
But why not follow one's heart? I mean is sadness>happiness? or rather the other way round? A relationship has bound to be ups and downs. From the way i look at it now, the way things happened, even if you want to, you wouldn't. To just turn back now, many things will have to be settled and made clear. just too many. add on the pressure, and people will start to talk behind your backs.
WHICH IS WHY i have this blog to limited trusted people ONLY.
We all have to know: Who is friend and Who is foe-friend. A friend is someone who will be there for you when you are down, there for you when you need friends. Someone who is more than a friend will go the extra mile just for you. A foe-friend is someone who appears to be a friend to you, but she is actually the one behind you telling tales about you. And when you do something against her will, she starts to curse and swear at you. Am i not right to say this ?
In conclusion, i would like to say, A relationship is bound to have sweet, bitter, sour tastes. it depends on how you two handles them. For B and Y, i hope you two last forever yeah, stay sweet and loving towards each other. Let the love you have for each other fill the air, the love which brings you both high up, and leaves you both free.
Last thing i want to remind all couples out there: Feelings fade off, BUT feelings will never die. Once you think of the happy memories you've had, everything will come back to you. :-) Go all out and achieve what i have never achieved before.
One follows his/her heart. He/She does what his/her heart tells him/her to do. Not what the friends tell you. Friends can only give you advice: '' Hmm i think you should not, i think you should. '' But at the end of the day, it's ourselves who makes the decision. Whether we pull ourselves through is still on our own.
But why not follow one's heart? I mean is sadness>happiness? or rather the other way round? A relationship has bound to be ups and downs. From the way i look at it now, the way things happened, even if you want to, you wouldn't. To just turn back now, many things will have to be settled and made clear. just too many. add on the pressure, and people will start to talk behind your backs.
WHICH IS WHY i have this blog to limited trusted people ONLY.
We all have to know: Who is friend and Who is foe-friend. A friend is someone who will be there for you when you are down, there for you when you need friends. Someone who is more than a friend will go the extra mile just for you. A foe-friend is someone who appears to be a friend to you, but she is actually the one behind you telling tales about you. And when you do something against her will, she starts to curse and swear at you. Am i not right to say this ?
In conclusion, i would like to say, A relationship is bound to have sweet, bitter, sour tastes. it depends on how you two handles them. For B and Y, i hope you two last forever yeah, stay sweet and loving towards each other. Let the love you have for each other fill the air, the love which brings you both high up, and leaves you both free.
Last thing i want to remind all couples out there: Feelings fade off, BUT feelings will never die. Once you think of the happy memories you've had, everything will come back to you. :-) Go all out and achieve what i have never achieved before.
Monday, November 16, 2009
You misunderstood me..
I love you because of who you are, what you are.. you are kind, caring, sweet, loving, pretty, everything more than anyone can ask for.. you know, i didn't mean the way you thought it to be. and please do not insult yourself. i rather you be insulting me. you might doubt what i have said, because those are only words, but i need chances to show what i said is true.
You know that i have never stopped loving you. and in fact, the reason why you wanted to part with me in the first place, was small. it was me who kept piling the pressure on you and things turned out to be the way things are today...
i text you, you didn't reply.. i got very worried.. i know that you had lots of things to carry, i wanted to be your luggage carrier today morning.. i didn't sleep for the whole night, because i was very affected by what you say. you know, only you have the ability to make me feel that way, that i give everything to what you say. i am sincerely concerned about you, but do you know?
Then i think to myself.. Are you not going to reply me or you left your phone at home? Or you don't know what to reply? Will you hear my voice messages ? The songs i recorded.. You know, it's been 32days since you wanted to break up with me. Though i have never agreed, i kept trying, and i will never stop trying. I hope that it's just you couldn't reply.. But i do get worried about you.
It's not true that i want to be possessive of you. I have never had intentions of doing so. You know, how much i love you. Just that, i am impatient at times. I want to show the World i meant what i said, and i will do everything i can to show that i have never stopped loving you.
You know, there are many things that i think of now. And, i'm really afraid that my worst fears all will come true, and crashing to me at one go...
You do not have to change a thing. I love you just the way you are... Please do not say things that insults yourself alright? I rather i be the one insulted, the one going hungry, the one getting injured, then hearing you like these.
When we quarreled, you used to say:
Where do i stand in your heart?
Your heart is shattered, but CNLJ still loves JYWC, no matter what..
it's my turn now..
Where do i stand in your heart?
My heart is shattered, but JYWC still loves CNLJ, no matter what.
I dearly miss you...
You know that i have never stopped loving you. and in fact, the reason why you wanted to part with me in the first place, was small. it was me who kept piling the pressure on you and things turned out to be the way things are today...
i text you, you didn't reply.. i got very worried.. i know that you had lots of things to carry, i wanted to be your luggage carrier today morning.. i didn't sleep for the whole night, because i was very affected by what you say. you know, only you have the ability to make me feel that way, that i give everything to what you say. i am sincerely concerned about you, but do you know?
Then i think to myself.. Are you not going to reply me or you left your phone at home? Or you don't know what to reply? Will you hear my voice messages ? The songs i recorded.. You know, it's been 32days since you wanted to break up with me. Though i have never agreed, i kept trying, and i will never stop trying. I hope that it's just you couldn't reply.. But i do get worried about you.
It's not true that i want to be possessive of you. I have never had intentions of doing so. You know, how much i love you. Just that, i am impatient at times. I want to show the World i meant what i said, and i will do everything i can to show that i have never stopped loving you.
You know, there are many things that i think of now. And, i'm really afraid that my worst fears all will come true, and crashing to me at one go...
You do not have to change a thing. I love you just the way you are... Please do not say things that insults yourself alright? I rather i be the one insulted, the one going hungry, the one getting injured, then hearing you like these.
When we quarreled, you used to say:
Where do i stand in your heart?
Your heart is shattered, but CNLJ still loves JYWC, no matter what..
it's my turn now..
Where do i stand in your heart?
My heart is shattered, but JYWC still loves CNLJ, no matter what.
I dearly miss you...
Friday, November 13, 2009
My Memories ....
This... was the first photo you sent me, when i asked you for it, back in 2007.
This.. was the first photo we took together. You were shy of taking photos in the past, and we finally took, our first one, ever.
This, is the best photo we have ever taken together. it was always on my wallpaper, and you put it on my blog. :-)
''Oh look! Who's there? It's you holding the first stitch toy i gave to you!'' So cute i said.
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This is the photo when we quarreled, and i bought you chicken rice. you were not feeling good that day. i took a snapshot of you without you knowing. :O
'' Look again ! Who's there! It's the cheeky you giving me that kind of look after eating your chicken chop ! ''
First angel soft toy. So now stitch has a partner, ya? That was what you told me.. hehehe.
It's you posing again for the camera man....
You were snapped unknowingly over lunch at AMK hub.
You accompanied me to get a hair cut. We shared noodles over there. I wanted to take a photo of you but you didnt want to, so it ended up like this...
Cross country. we quarreled, but we patched things up, towards the exit.. Mei yan took this photo for us. we had dinner at sumo house, and i sent you home.
We went to Ya jun's bbq at pasir ris, and on the way home, you insisted we take photos. we took 4, but i only put up 2 nicer ones. that night i reached home late, you messaged me and said, i hope your father does not scold you. you were hungry that night, you went home to cook instant noodles.
First sentosa trip, Jiahua's birthday.. i made you upset that day over little reasons. P.S: you threw sand at me, that's why i tickled you in the water. not my fault...
''Look who's the one with the cheeky smile there ! Beaming cause she has just received a winnie the pooh soft toy! ''
JYWC♥CNLJ yesterday, today, forever.
the love is the same.
all my change but the love nevers.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Should I Survive and Should I Not ...
I do not know if you have been reading my posts, because i have been singing praises everywhere, almost. ( you do not see this, but I'm sure eventually you will )
sarcastic remarks are bound to be, right? I'm sure whats going on in the camp.
Before, it was you told me he liked V and he got rejected, right? so how can it be that he has never liked her before..? i mean, ya. yes, i am in no position to comment, but I'm sure you do know. Before you have seen the good ones i put up, you have already seen the bad ones, though there was only 1. it's not your fault
that you are not seeing.
Secondly, to the rumors, i was told and i did not make up stories myself. i am not there, so how can i make such wild guesses, right? And when you said no that night, i was told by B you liked him. i mean, you should know how i felt because you knew all along that i would be afraid that this would happen, right?
If you noticed, i have been holding back my crude and sarcastic comments, at least to the public. Things have already come to this stage, well...
The best part was, '' You said you love her right ? Then why are you spreading rumors about her ? You expect her to come back to you ? '' .
( i will remember this, even as i am wheeled into my op )
I do not want to post anything ugly with my days numbered, at least for now.
''A man is someone who stands against the odds and not follow the direction of the wind. When all the skies and mountains fall, it is the man that will stand tall''. That's what a man is. '' Rejected, stand up again, remember? '' . This is what a man is, by right.
But that is not the point anymore....
I'm rather sure you will come to read this... just, when.
Should i survive, I will be back, to carry out my promises, to sing those 2 songs, '' the greatest thing in all my life is loving you '' and '' Cheryl, i give you my heart '' . I will dedicate these 2 songs to you. I wanted to sing to you that day, but you said you could not.. Should i survive, it shall be God's will that i will never give up on you. '' If you get there before i do, don't give up on me.'' remember ?
Should i not survive, i hope you will remember how much i loved you. I'll be watching you from where i am, and yes, I wont get the bowl of tangyuan anymore, though i always wanted it. Just remember, how much i loved you. Remember how we first met, the first night of the growth camp, the place where i first pecked you, the place where i first held your hands, the place where i first hugged you, remember everything that we have been through, the highs and lows.. All these will be kept deep down inside my heart, and i just want to tell you that, no matter where you are, my heart will always be there with you, be it dead or alive.
I'll be contented to (not) survive loving you.
I have lived to not regret being with you, i will always be happy that you and i met. I will leave with no regrets being with you too, leave with my chins held up high, that i tried very hard to win you back, there will be no regrets left. Sometimes it's hard to just say i love you. Should i not survive, i want my wallet beside me even when i live till my last breath, because it was the first present you gave to me. it means more than the world to me.
Special thanks to Benedick bro, Yvonne, Kasthuri, LeeQing, Ken Lim, Minfeng, all fifa online 2 players who gave me the courage to try and win her back, and all other friends ( just too many ) . They helped me when i needed help most.. most credits go to Ken Lim, who calmed me down. Benedick too. Everyone tells me just to give up, but I'm just stubborn enough.
Let fate decide whether i shall give it up or not by 2 methods.
1) Survive and never give up, no matter what is ahead of me.
2) Not Survive but i did not gave up and without regrets loving her.
By the time you see this, i might have already been wheeled in.
Remember : I have never regretted loving you, and i will be contented loving you. I have never regretted being with you, and i will never regret being with you. I was happy with you, and i will leave here happy too. My last regrets are only: not telling you how much you have done for me, those little things you have always been wanting to hear.. I'll always be watching you from up above, no matter where I am, looking over you. And if you see a meteor flying over, you'll know, that is me still loving you and watching over you. My love for you never dies. I live to love you, and i ____ to love you too.
I bleed black and red for Cheryl Ng. Do you ?
Just to say, you know my fifa standards. i wont lose those kind of matches, as im leading 2-0, 3-0. but just want to let you know that, you have the ability to make my highs higher, and my lows lower. I used to say fifa will help, but how very wrong i was! it is proved to be, wrong.
sarcastic remarks are bound to be, right? I'm sure whats going on in the camp.
Before, it was you told me he liked V and he got rejected, right? so how can it be that he has never liked her before..? i mean, ya. yes, i am in no position to comment, but I'm sure you do know. Before you have seen the good ones i put up, you have already seen the bad ones, though there was only 1. it's not your fault
that you are not seeing.
Secondly, to the rumors, i was told and i did not make up stories myself. i am not there, so how can i make such wild guesses, right? And when you said no that night, i was told by B you liked him. i mean, you should know how i felt because you knew all along that i would be afraid that this would happen, right?
If you noticed, i have been holding back my crude and sarcastic comments, at least to the public. Things have already come to this stage, well...
The best part was, '' You said you love her right ? Then why are you spreading rumors about her ? You expect her to come back to you ? '' .
( i will remember this, even as i am wheeled into my op )
I do not want to post anything ugly with my days numbered, at least for now.
''A man is someone who stands against the odds and not follow the direction of the wind. When all the skies and mountains fall, it is the man that will stand tall''. That's what a man is. '' Rejected, stand up again, remember? '' . This is what a man is, by right.
But that is not the point anymore....
I'm rather sure you will come to read this... just, when.
Should i survive, I will be back, to carry out my promises, to sing those 2 songs, '' the greatest thing in all my life is loving you '' and '' Cheryl, i give you my heart '' . I will dedicate these 2 songs to you. I wanted to sing to you that day, but you said you could not.. Should i survive, it shall be God's will that i will never give up on you. '' If you get there before i do, don't give up on me.'' remember ?
Should i not survive, i hope you will remember how much i loved you. I'll be watching you from where i am, and yes, I wont get the bowl of tangyuan anymore, though i always wanted it. Just remember, how much i loved you. Remember how we first met, the first night of the growth camp, the place where i first pecked you, the place where i first held your hands, the place where i first hugged you, remember everything that we have been through, the highs and lows.. All these will be kept deep down inside my heart, and i just want to tell you that, no matter where you are, my heart will always be there with you, be it dead or alive.
I'll be contented to (not) survive loving you.
I have lived to not regret being with you, i will always be happy that you and i met. I will leave with no regrets being with you too, leave with my chins held up high, that i tried very hard to win you back, there will be no regrets left. Sometimes it's hard to just say i love you. Should i not survive, i want my wallet beside me even when i live till my last breath, because it was the first present you gave to me. it means more than the world to me.
Special thanks to Benedick bro, Yvonne, Kasthuri, LeeQing, Ken Lim, Minfeng, all fifa online 2 players who gave me the courage to try and win her back, and all other friends ( just too many ) . They helped me when i needed help most.. most credits go to Ken Lim, who calmed me down. Benedick too. Everyone tells me just to give up, but I'm just stubborn enough.
Let fate decide whether i shall give it up or not by 2 methods.
1) Survive and never give up, no matter what is ahead of me.
2) Not Survive but i did not gave up and without regrets loving her.
By the time you see this, i might have already been wheeled in.
Remember : I have never regretted loving you, and i will be contented loving you. I have never regretted being with you, and i will never regret being with you. I was happy with you, and i will leave here happy too. My last regrets are only: not telling you how much you have done for me, those little things you have always been wanting to hear.. I'll always be watching you from up above, no matter where I am, looking over you. And if you see a meteor flying over, you'll know, that is me still loving you and watching over you. My love for you never dies. I live to love you, and i ____ to love you too.
I bleed black and red for Cheryl Ng. Do you ?
Just to say, you know my fifa standards. i wont lose those kind of matches, as im leading 2-0, 3-0. but just want to let you know that, you have the ability to make my highs higher, and my lows lower. I used to say fifa will help, but how very wrong i was! it is proved to be, wrong.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Do you remember your promises?
All alone in an empty room, nothing left but the memories of when I had my best friend.
I don't know how we ended up here
I don't know but it's never been so clear.
We made a mistake, dear.
And I see the broken glass in front of me,
I see your shadow hanging over me.
and your face, I can see...
Through the trees; i will find you.
I will heal the ruins left inside you.
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
Until I'm set free...
Go quiet through the trees.
I remember how we used to talk about the places we would go when we were off and all that we were gonna find.
And I remember watching our seeds grow,
and how you cried when you saw the first leaves show.
The love was pouring from your eyes.
So can you see, the branches hanging over me?
Can you see, the love you left inside of me?
In my face, can you see?
Through the trees; i will find you.
I will heal the ruins left inside you.
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
Until I'm set free...
Go quiet through the trees.
Cause you're not coming back, and you're not coming back.
Nooooo. Nooooo. No.
You're not coming back. You're not coming back.
Take my breath as your own.
Take my eyes to guide you home.
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
And I'm still here....
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
And I'm still here....
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
And I'm still here....
And you're not coming back.
And you're not coming back.
'Cause you're not coming back.
Until I'm set free.
Go quiet through the trees.
I don't know how we ended up here
I don't know but it's never been so clear.
We made a mistake, dear.
And I see the broken glass in front of me,
I see your shadow hanging over me.
and your face, I can see...
Through the trees; i will find you.
I will heal the ruins left inside you.
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
Until I'm set free...
Go quiet through the trees.
I remember how we used to talk about the places we would go when we were off and all that we were gonna find.
And I remember watching our seeds grow,
and how you cried when you saw the first leaves show.
The love was pouring from your eyes.
So can you see, the branches hanging over me?
Can you see, the love you left inside of me?
In my face, can you see?
Through the trees; i will find you.
I will heal the ruins left inside you.
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
Until I'm set free...
Go quiet through the trees.
Cause you're not coming back, and you're not coming back.
Nooooo. Nooooo. No.
You're not coming back. You're not coming back.
Take my breath as your own.
Take my eyes to guide you home.
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
And I'm still here....
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
And I'm still here....
Cause I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
I'm still here breathing now.
And I'm still here....
And you're not coming back.
And you're not coming back.
'Cause you're not coming back.
Until I'm set free.
Go quiet through the trees.
Worrying times for Joshua
ON THE face of it, you wouldn't think so, no.
Joshua is cruising and beaming with confidence and i am well-placed
to go into another relationship and commit myself for another 2years.
I do not have everything packed with talent, but some, yes. A charm
that is as deep as a book of Nietzsche and a growing tradition of being faithful to my loved one.
So why does it all feel so hollow and fragile?
And why is it so hard to imagine life without her today?
There's no point ignoring the big white elephant in the room. Joshua
misses Cheryl. I miss her capacity for the unexpected, her ability to
make me happy with the snap of her fingers.
You can't just go out and replace a girl like her and you certainly
can't do it if you shop anywhere.
Any girl will prove to be an excellent girl in the long run, but they
will not be in Cheryl's class. Very few people are.
With Cheryl in my life, happiness was almost redundant. Everyone knew that we would prance around together, looking for the point of least resistance and you knew too that she would be there tirelessly scampering behind me, covering my tracks, making me look good.
The relationship, strange and unbalanced as it was, was the longest ever that i have been in. I might have been in love before, but i have never felt this strong.
Now things have changed.
I am working hard, but there's a distinct lack of fairy dust in my
works. Well, i am the stone, which was probably left unturned, eh?
One thing is for sure : Joshua does not look as confident as he was
in the last 2years.
He has been beaten by love, anger, jealousy, and just 2 weeks ago,
he was nearly beaten by death.
Why should anyone think that he will beat love again?
Joshua is cruising and beaming with confidence and i am well-placed
to go into another relationship and commit myself for another 2years.
I do not have everything packed with talent, but some, yes. A charm
that is as deep as a book of Nietzsche and a growing tradition of being faithful to my loved one.
So why does it all feel so hollow and fragile?
And why is it so hard to imagine life without her today?
There's no point ignoring the big white elephant in the room. Joshua
misses Cheryl. I miss her capacity for the unexpected, her ability to
make me happy with the snap of her fingers.
You can't just go out and replace a girl like her and you certainly
can't do it if you shop anywhere.
Any girl will prove to be an excellent girl in the long run, but they
will not be in Cheryl's class. Very few people are.
With Cheryl in my life, happiness was almost redundant. Everyone knew that we would prance around together, looking for the point of least resistance and you knew too that she would be there tirelessly scampering behind me, covering my tracks, making me look good.
The relationship, strange and unbalanced as it was, was the longest ever that i have been in. I might have been in love before, but i have never felt this strong.
Now things have changed.
I am working hard, but there's a distinct lack of fairy dust in my
works. Well, i am the stone, which was probably left unturned, eh?
One thing is for sure : Joshua does not look as confident as he was
in the last 2years.
He has been beaten by love, anger, jealousy, and just 2 weeks ago,
he was nearly beaten by death.
Why should anyone think that he will beat love again?
Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You
If i had to live life without you in me , the days would all be empty.
The nights would seem so long. With you, i see forever so clearly.
I might have been in love before, but i have never felt this strong.
Our dreams are young and we both would have known, it would have taken us where we wanted to go.
If the road ahead is not so easy, Our love will lead the way for us
like a guiding star. I'll be there for you if you should need me.
You don't have to change a thing, I love you just the way you are.
So come with me and share the view. I'll help you see forever too.
Hold Me Now. Touch Me Now. I don't wanna live without you.
Nothing's gonna change my love for you, You ought know by now how much I love you.
One thing you can be sure of: I'll never ask for more than your love.
The nights would seem so long. With you, i see forever so clearly.
I might have been in love before, but i have never felt this strong.
Our dreams are young and we both would have known, it would have taken us where we wanted to go.
If the road ahead is not so easy, Our love will lead the way for us
like a guiding star. I'll be there for you if you should need me.
You don't have to change a thing, I love you just the way you are.
So come with me and share the view. I'll help you see forever too.
Hold Me Now. Touch Me Now. I don't wanna live without you.
Nothing's gonna change my love for you, You ought know by now how much I love you.
One thing you can be sure of: I'll never ask for more than your love.
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