if you are not gone, how am i to miss you ?

Yes, if you are not gone, how am i to miss you?

I remember the good old days of 2007, of how i courted you. It was love at first sight for me, when i saw you from day 1 of school back in 2007, and i did try to get close to you but i failed initially. seeing you makes my heart beat fast.. The best part was i liked you without knowing your name.. Then growth camp, i asked Lerkrit what's your name. He asked if i liked you. I said no.. Then i remembered seeing you smile, you were so cute.. Second night, at the parade square, i confessed to Lerkrit that i liked you, i even told if to tell you that i did.. That was the night when i kicked your tent because i thought it was my friend's. And you were in there! Fate, i would call it. You said you all were talking ghost stories.. Growth Camp 07 <3 !!

Cross Country 2007, you took part in it. I took part in it too. mc ritchie. you didnt know that i actually walked despite me taking part in it, just to have a chance to get closer to you and to catch a glimpse of you. That was how much i liked you already. Then when you were drinking milo, you didnt know that i was just behind you right? :X

Sports Fiesta 2007, i was taking part in the Soccer Finals, and i know that your eyes were on me throughout the whole match even Green House lost.. And that was when i started talking to you.. (:

You become my mei.. then, ''nu-er'' .. And that was when we started playing games on msn together, chatting and such.. And when i said 'muack' one night, i thought you would say, '' EEEEEE-YER.. '' . But you surprised me, when you said ''muack'' too. I wasnt sure if you had feelings for me, but i just cannot forget these little things.

When qimei broke up with me, and left me for another guy, you told me, ''it's her loss that she dosen't want you..'' not to worry, and that i would find someone better. I remember you said that you were jealous when you saw qimei and i together. And when we quarreled, you didnt want to help because you were jealous, but you helped eventually, reluctantly.

You sent me home one day, and i left you in the bus because it was my bus stop. You almost could not go home because your ez link card almost had no money. And i remember once i sent you home, i got lost, and had to walk home, which made you worried..

You didn't know that i watched you train at least 2times a month, just by hiding at a corner and watch you play court games, drills, for 10mins or so, and smile to myself. seeing your cute defending actions, your tackling skills. (:

And 2nd of October 2007, 2222hours, that night was meant to come, it has always been looming around us, bound to come one day, and it came.. It was a shaky start for us initially, this-and-that problems, causing our relationship to be hanging in the balance. though we quarreled many times, be it 26th 27th 28th 29th, just somehow, we would always get back together by the 2nd of the start of the new month, just to celebrate our monthsary together. There was even once when we quarreled on 1st and managed to make things up just by the end of the day.. That's why i say i love you for who you are. I always say, '' There is only one person that i can love so much - Cheryl Ng Li Jia. '' And until now, that is only i can say.

I am painfully aware of the situation now, from things i have heard, even though i did not seem them, and i will want to treasure the time i have left. I've become immune to the pain that i have felt, it's like it's always there bothering me. As long as i am around, i refuse to let myself feel the pain, and i don't want to show you the pain i am going through..

I was happy to show myself all the photos we have taken together, and one that we took forming a heart shape with our arms together, kissing.

Yes, i still do hope that one day, fate will bring us back together, and you will remember how much i love you.

I don't want any help. Everything i do, i do for Cheryl Ng. I'm satisfied as long as Cheryl Ng Li Jia is happy everyday.