Worrying times for Joshua

ON THE face of it, you wouldn't think so, no.

Joshua is cruising and beaming with confidence and i am well-placed
to go into another relationship and commit myself for another 2years.

I do not have everything packed with talent, but some, yes. A charm
that is as deep as a book of Nietzsche and a growing tradition of being faithful to my loved one.

So why does it all feel so hollow and fragile?

And why is it so hard to imagine life without her today?

There's no point ignoring the big white elephant in the room. Joshua
misses Cheryl. I miss her capacity for the unexpected, her ability to
make me happy with the snap of her fingers.

You can't just go out and replace a girl like her and you certainly
can't do it if you shop anywhere.

Any girl will prove to be an excellent girl in the long run, but they
will not be in Cheryl's class. Very few people are.

With Cheryl in my life, happiness was almost redundant. Everyone knew that we would prance around together, looking for the point of least resistance and you knew too that she would be there tirelessly scampering behind me, covering my tracks, making me look good.

The relationship, strange and unbalanced as it was, was the longest ever that i have been in. I might have been in love before, but i have never felt this strong.

Now things have changed.

I am working hard, but there's a distinct lack of fairy dust in my
works. Well, i am the stone, which was probably left unturned, eh?

One thing is for sure : Joshua does not look as confident as he was
in the last 2years.

He has been beaten by love, anger, jealousy, and just 2 weeks ago,
he was nearly beaten by death.

Why should anyone think that he will beat love again?