P-R-E-S-S-U-R-E

Apparently, i have lived my whole life without receiving one very important piece of advice: '' Never let them see that you're hurting . ''

I have let my usually immaculate standards slip in the last few months, opening myself up to a widespread criticism of my conduct.

No one would have guessed that i was feeling the pressure, the sadness inside me, especially not in a girl like Cheryl, but now i have made it obvious to everyone.

My refusal to give up after my hopes and dreams were crushed all by one go was a serious error of judgement.

After that night, i told friends that i will never give up on her, despite feeling the pain, the agony left inside me.

If it was irrelevant to me, why did i get so upset? After all, i could have taken the higher ground, in the first place not neglecting Cheryl ( which caused things to turn out this way ) and would have been praised for my endeavour and then go to work that time without anyone giving it a second thought.

But now there is blood in the water. Now everyone knows that i am hurting.

My comments were foolish, a rare petulant slip from a boy who usually knows better than to feed an easy line.

If you've just been spanked at home by a girl, the last thing you would ever want to do is get jealous and upset over things, that's just asking for trouble. I have been in a relationship for long enough, and seems to know how this thing goes..

I seem to have a complex about everything. It's because they represent the greatest threat to my sophisticated utopia.

Either way, i should have worked harder to keep my feelings under wraps, instead of showing signs that i was heartbroken.

I may claim that i had every right to be upset and still live in the pain, that i never agreed to a break-up.

It shouldn't have mattered, right? I should have been a bigger man. But how to, with all the love left inside of me?

It has been long and obvious that i am exasperated with the increased pressure that is mounting over me all the time, many things.

I get short-tempered with anyone who speaks something bad about me now, i get angry with the short-termism of people's remarks about Cheryl.

Joshua wants to love Cheryl Ng forever.

Joshua wants a beautiful story of love with Cheryl Ng only, he wants the not-so wonderful world to know that, if he's given the time and the chance, he will take it and sooner or later it will all come together.

Until wednesday night, everyone assumed that i was dealing with the pressure. Now, everyone has a reason to doubt.

Joshua is hurting and everyone can see it.